Perimenopause! It's a thing. Forgive naughty language below.

Welcome to middle age!

What in the actual fuck?

Seriously.

What in the fucking fuck?

Fuck.

Why is there not a full class dedicated to this for both genders in school? I mean, this is REAL and no one prepares either of us!

This whole perimenopause, menopause shit is no joke. I repeat, no joke!

I work out. A LOT.

You can't out train the menopause middle. You just can't.

You can eat like bird, still no dice.

Mood swings. That just seemingly come and inhabit your person, as if you've invited them. That was not an invitation. Thank you, and now you can go fuck off.

Oh, and let's not forget about the endless brain fog and inability to find the word (even though you are picturing it your mind). So, you learn to lean on your pals, co-workers, family members and train them that the hand gestures you're using mean, like you know, help me out here…you inject some self-deprecating humor so they don't think you're getting early on-set Alzheimer's. Fabulous.

Night sweats. Suuuuper. Middle of night, just a puddle of sweat on your chest and then you finally wake up in a complete seizure of tremors for now being too cold. Awesome sauce.

Did I mention the mood swings? I know I did, but let me tell you, the emotional reactions just come out of nowhere. Remind your people, it's not on purpose and we swear that we're tracking it, as to try and give you advance warning when they come. We're sorry. We truly are not acting like a fucking freak on purpose.

Did I mention the extra several pounds that somehow have decided crawl in and curl up inhabiting your stomach, as if they are there to settle in for a VERY long hibernation period. Again, this is not something we've chosen. We don't like it either.

Bear with us. Support us. Make us laugh. Forgive us.